your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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