my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
