i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
