I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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