OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
