Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
