the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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