If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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