I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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