how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just threw up on my dentist
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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