This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
