nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
