dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
