Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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