I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
