Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
