Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My bed smells like the plague
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