I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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