The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
