bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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