There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
