an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
