Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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