Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
