the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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