1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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