We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
