He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
