stop calling my apartment porn island.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
