Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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