Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
