Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
