I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
