grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
