Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
