I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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