I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
