there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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