We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
