She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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