She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
