Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
