you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
