She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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