This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
