Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
