Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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