Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
