Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
