guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
