My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
