Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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