He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
