Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
