the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
