saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
