Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
