I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
