the condom got lost in my hair
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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