Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
