just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
