know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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