I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
