I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
