He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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