I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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