i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
