you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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