You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
