i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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