I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
