i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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