Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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