After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize