maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
