I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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