While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you never un-have a 4some
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
