Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
